[But he takes her meaning, so he tries to be honest anyway.]
You have more ambition than I do. I don't have the patience for the affairs of kingdoms and their monarchs. And there's nothing about me that I want to stay around once I'm gone.
[Maybe she's right. Maybe it would be better here, where she isn't a Sorceress, where there's nothing like Aretuza to whisk her child away from her. He still doesn't think she'd be a particularly good mother but -- well, was there ever such a thing?
He certainly wasn't an authority. But they both know what shitty parents look like.]
[Well...yeah. Look, be less of a narcissist and he won't have to call you out ok.]
If I had lied to you about what I thought, would that have been better?
[If she takes in nothing else, he hopes she'll at least take that from him. And even though Yennefer doesn't necessarily deserve this from him, he is not overtly cruel, and he can sense he's hurt her feelings.
What you said, about wanting. And what I realized about what I didn't want. It's not the same for you.
You were born with your power. It's always been some part of you, something to be proud of. That leaves you with something to give someone else, something worthwhile to leave behind.
[It's not the same, for a Witcher. And being a Witcher -- that's not something he ever wants for anyone else. He wouldn't even want to risk passing that on to next of kin, if he were able.
It wasn't just about the fact that monster hunting wasn't suited to child rearing.]
[ even now, even resenting him, she would not go so far as to call him a total loss. she did love him, after all. there was something good in him. she couldn't claim the same. ]
[There's no sense in harping on it, or lingering to think about it. He said what he said, and he apologized for his harsh judgement. They can move on from it, as far as he is concerned.]
What help did you want from me?
[Because if the party was any indication, she didn't actually want him to be the father of her child. She already has candidates lined up for that. It had to be something else.]
I gave up my ability to conceive in exchange for power. Now I can't have a child and I don't even have my magic to show for it. I plan to rectify both, here.
Surely you aren't comfortable with the fact that someone experimented on you either.
[ the same thing that hits all her buttons would hit his, she thinks. witchers are not so different from mages. they understand one another. ]
But I need influence to find out who did it. Lynch is only one way of acquiring that.
[ in other words, he's not actually a candidate for father of the year. ]
[Not that the experimentation here had changed much, except taking away what little magical skill he had and replacing it with...whatever this “technology” was.]
I get it. Do you want me to threaten him?
[Because they both know he isn’t exactly a political tool even on his best days. This was Yennefer’s playpen. He could keep an eye out, try to learn, but as far as rubbing elbows? He doesn’t have the influence.
[ instinct invites her to imagine the scenario, the little thrill it would give her, the way they might make love afterwards. but those moments belong to a different yennefer, in a different time, in a different life. a yennefer who did not yet realize that she had no choice, that she'd never had a choice, that those feelings were made by a djinn and not her own heart.
and she resents him a little, a little more, for inciting them. ]
[ but she doesn't feel satisfied. she hasn't felt satisfied since the dragon revealed the truth to her. enlightenment has done nothing for the longing. she bottles it like lightning. ]
I have Lynch under heel. Whatever can be gained from him, I can acquire. There are others, however, whose favor and confidence you could gain by applying pressure to their enemies.
[He doesn’t bother with the why, for the time being. The reality is that he is going crazy in this city. Geralt of Rivia was a nomad, a hunter, someone used to being an errand boy. Sitting around and sitting still wasn’t good for him. Just a week of aimlessness was enough to drive him mad.]
Morningstar's intelligence is shite, but there's good work for mercenaries in the megacorporations. I could provide an introduction to someone with Pulsar, I'm sure. They're competitors with Giles Bell, where Lynch is presently employed, but in this world, competitors are conspirators.
[ what benefits one of them benefits all of them. their companies may be competing for the people's money, but they still have more in common with one another than with their customers. ]
I'm sure he would be grateful for any information that trickled his way, where interesting targets are concerned.
[ so, yes. she's also planning to use him to advance her position with lynch by showing she can get information for him about his competitors. geralt caught her, as he always does. ]
[He is frightfully absent of the familiar here in New Amsterdam. Some might find that exciting, but Geralt is not excited by very much in his old age. Its uncomfortable. Right now, he’d kill for something familiar.
Yennefer is what is familiar. Even when he knows she is using him, taking advantage of his need to do something. Just having her close — it settles his nerves.
And maybe, just maybe, he has some guilt over his last wish.]
[ that's all she says because as far as she is concerned, that settles their business. it stings to reject the familiar, to spurn something she wants so badly as she wants him, but she has more important business. surgery, for starters. and lynch to manage. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[But he takes her meaning, so he tries to be honest anyway.]
You have more ambition than I do.
I don't have the patience for the affairs of kingdoms and their monarchs.
And there's nothing about me that I want to stay around once I'm gone.
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[ or he wouldn't discourage her this way, wouldn't try to take this from her when she's already given so much else to this godforsaken world. ]
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[Maybe she's right. Maybe it would be better here, where she isn't a Sorceress, where there's nothing like Aretuza to whisk her child away from her. He still doesn't think she'd be a particularly good mother but -- well, was there ever such a thing?
He certainly wasn't an authority. But they both know what shitty parents look like.]
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Your caution is about me.
[ he hasn't reexamined his insults, it seems. just as well. it will be easier if he gives her no reason to reconsider her resentment. ]
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If I had lied to you about what I thought, would that have been better?
[If she takes in nothing else, he hopes she'll at least take that from him. And even though Yennefer doesn't necessarily deserve this from him, he is not overtly cruel, and he can sense he's hurt her feelings.
So:]
I understand better now.
And I'm sorry.
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Why?
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And what I realized about what I didn't want.
It's not the same for you.
You were born with your power.
It's always been some part of you, something to be proud of.
That leaves you with something to give someone else, something worthwhile to leave behind.
[It's not the same, for a Witcher. And being a Witcher -- that's not something he ever wants for anyone else. He wouldn't even want to risk passing that on to next of kin, if he were able.
It wasn't just about the fact that monster hunting wasn't suited to child rearing.]
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[ even now, even resenting him, she would not go so far as to call him a total loss. she did love him, after all. there was something good in him. she couldn't claim the same. ]
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[There's no sense in harping on it, or lingering to think about it. He said what he said, and he apologized for his harsh judgement. They can move on from it, as far as he is concerned.]
What help did you want from me?
[Because if the party was any indication, she didn't actually want him to be the father of her child. She already has candidates lined up for that. It had to be something else.]
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Surely you aren't comfortable with the fact that someone experimented on you either.
[ the same thing that hits all her buttons would hit his, she thinks. witchers are not so different from mages. they understand one another. ]
But I need influence to find out who did it. Lynch is only one way of acquiring that.
[ in other words, he's not actually a candidate for father of the year. ]
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[Not that the experimentation here had changed much, except taking away what little magical skill he had and replacing it with...whatever this “technology” was.]
I get it.
Do you want me to threaten him?
[Because they both know he isn’t exactly a political tool even on his best days. This was Yennefer’s playpen. He could keep an eye out, try to learn, but as far as rubbing elbows? He doesn’t have the influence.
And the offer to threaten was mostly a joke.]
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and she resents him a little, a little more, for inciting them. ]
Jealous?
[ good. he deserves at least that. ]
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And it had proven very colorful where Yennefer was concerned.]
Of what?
Some pompous bastard sitting in a fancy chair?
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>:(]
Spare me the details.
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[ but she doesn't feel satisfied. she hasn't felt satisfied since the dragon revealed the truth to her. enlightenment has done nothing for the longing. she bottles it like lightning. ]
I have Lynch under heel. Whatever can be gained from him, I can acquire. There are others, however, whose favor and confidence you could gain by applying pressure to their enemies.
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Where?
[He doesn’t bother with the why, for the time being. The reality is that he is going crazy in this city. Geralt of Rivia was a nomad, a hunter, someone used to being an errand boy. Sitting around and sitting still wasn’t good for him. Just a week of aimlessness was enough to drive him mad.]
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[ what benefits one of them benefits all of them. their companies may be competing for the people's money, but they still have more in common with one another than with their customers. ]
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And Lynch wants to make sure this Pulsar is still conspiring with him, instead of against him.
Fine.
[This all around sucks. He took jobs from monarch, sure, but he so detested being any sort of political pawn. But its also better than doing nothing.]
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[ so, yes. she's also planning to use him to advance her position with lynch by showing she can get information for him about his competitors. geralt caught her, as he always does. ]
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[He is frightfully absent of the familiar here in New Amsterdam. Some might find that exciting, but Geralt is not excited by very much in his old age. Its uncomfortable. Right now, he’d kill for something familiar.
Yennefer is what is familiar. Even when he knows she is using him, taking advantage of his need to do something. Just having her close — it settles his nerves.
And maybe, just maybe, he has some guilt over his last wish.]
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[ that's all she says because as far as she is concerned, that settles their business. it stings to reject the familiar, to spurn something she wants so badly as she wants him, but she has more important business. surgery, for starters. and lynch to manage. ]